Radical Retro Turtle Toy Talk: Pizza Face
Monday, December 14 2009 @ 12:01 AM CST
Contributed by: Pixel Dan
It's time once again for Radical Retro Turtle Toy Talk! In this week's installment, Suine Hallock has for us a look at the psychotic pizza chef known as Pizza Face! Click through to check him out!
RADICAL RETRO TURTLE TOY TALK! #5: EVIL INGREDIENTS, EVIL PIZZA!
Hey, all! Great to have you here again for another installment of RADICAL RETRO TURTLE TOY TALK! This week, we will visit with the crazy cordon bleu with a craving to cook up some Turtle tortellini. The shady chef I’m referring to is, of course, Pizzaface!
Now, with a name like Pizzaface, you would think he would be a favorite fellow of the Fab Four. Unfortunately, it is Shredder who greases the pan of this crooked kitchen hand, if you smell what the Foot is cookin’! This figure, released in 1990, would be the only appearance Pizzaface would ever make in any of the Turtleverses. He did not appear in any of the TMNT cartoons, or in any other Turtle toy line. It is only through his file card that we learn the back-story of Pizzaface. After his plan to gain powers by baking himself in a Retromutagen oven was thwarted by the Turtles, who incidentally thought they were rescuing him, Pizzaface is looking to make minced meat out of our heroes.
If New York City is the setting for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, then Pizzaface surely hails from Hell’s Kitchen. Just look at the mustachioed mug on this putrid pizza pie man! With eight teeth in his mouth and green slobber on his chin, this is one disgusting, and therefore awesome, face! Pizzaface’s skin is covered with scars, multicolored globs of gunk, bugs, and even a small “Mom” tattoo on his right shoulder. Tucked into his white apron, are non-detachable cooking utensils, such as squirt bottles, shakers, and a butcher knife, as well as what appears to be a dead turtle caught in a mousetrap. The rest of Pizzaface’s clothes are, like his skin, soiled with various culinary ingredients, bugs, and, of course, pizza. His attire includes a purple chef’s hat, a bright red tank top, a torn up pair of blue trousers, and a tattered brown boot.
No, that last sentence was not a typo. I meant only one, singular boot. While how he lost it is not exactly disclosed, Pizzaface has no right leg. The lack of this limb lowers Pizzaface’s points of articulation to four, with two shoulders, a neck, and a left hip. However, to overcome the loss of his leg, Pizzaface took a large pizza cutter, embedded it into a still-in-box Turtle pizza, and fashioned himself a Pizza Peg Leg!
Besides his Pizza Peg Leg, Pizzaface also comes with his Clever Cleaver, his Pizza Box Shield, and his Two Propelling Pizzas. The Clever Cleaver can either fit into Pizzaface’s left hand or be switched out with his Pizza Peg Leg for him to stand on. Also able to be held in his left hand is the aforementioned Pizza Peg Leg or the Pizza Box Shield, which seems to be a flattened box from Ninja Pizza, with a squished up pizza and weird weaponry bursting out. You then have your choice of toppings with the Two Propelling Pizzas: turtle & pepperoni, or rat, fishbone, & shuriken! Either of the Propelling Pizzas fits into Pizzaface’s right hand, allowing you to pose him taking aim at his enemies.
While Pizzaface did not make much of an impact on the world of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, he fits in just fine with the other figures from the first toy line. Now if you’ll excuse me, this review has really made me hungry! Is that wrong? If you have any questions or comments about this baker baddie, my column, or me, you’ll be able to reach me on the forums at VGLosers.com a little later. Right now, though, Pizzaface and I are heading to Papa John’s!
Maximum thanks for joining us, and we hope to see you again next time, for some more RADICAL RETRO TURTLE TOY TALK!